Thinking, Dating, and Trusting God Anyway

I’ve been doing some thinking (as I always do), and I honestly believe one of the biggest issues in dating right now is a lack of critical thinking skills. And no—this isn’t just a “church thing” or a “worldly dating” thing. It’s everywhere.

Sometimes, people who don’t think critically end up disliking those who do. Not because they’re bad people, but because critical thinking can feel threatening. It exposes gaps. It challenges comfort. And for some, that’s hard to sit with.

I’ve noticed that, at times, men can feel intimidated by me. Not because of my education, but because I can simply think well. I ask questions. I see things from multiple angles. I don’t just accept things at face value. And let’s be honest: some men want to feel like they’re the “leader,” and in their minds, leaders are supposed to always know what to do. They may never say it out loud, but it shows.

To be clear, this isn’t about all men or even all Christian men. This goes beyond emotional or spiritual intelligence. People are slowly losing the ability to think deeply, critically, and honestly. And for someone like me, someone who values open dialogue and thoughtful perspective, it can be hard to date, and even harder to trust, someone who doesn’t have that skill.

Let me give you a small example.

Years ago—years—I dated a guy who asked me to help him pick some things out for his new apartment. While we were in a home store, I spotted one of those beer cups with liquid in the walls that you freeze to keep the drink cold. I picked it up and tipped it slightly to show him.

This man lunged at the cup, panicked, thinking the liquid was about to spill out.

I laughed it off at the time and told myself maybe he just wasn’t familiar with cups like that. But it stuck with me. Not because he was unintelligent, because he wasn’t. He was a computer engineer, actually. Very book smart. But in that moment, I realized something important: I don’t want to teach men how to think.

I want laughter. I want playfulness. But I also want stimulating conversation, discernment, and awareness. Being book smart isn’t enough anymore. And I think that’s why so many people can easily list the external things they bring to the table like good jobs, degrees, cars, and homes, while completely overlooking what they lack: emotional maturity, moral grounding, vision, and a genuine desire to be a good person.

That’s also why I refuse to subscribe to the idea that “there’s pee in the dating pool.” I just don’t believe that.

I believe what God has for me will come without me having to question it or feel like I’m settling. God has the power to place people in our lives who meet us fully. People who are everything we prayed for and more. Why would I convince myself otherwise?

If you’re discouraged because you haven’t found what your heart desires yet, I want to gently remind you: maybe you’re not behind, maybe you’re just discerning. Every person you rule out is one step closer to what you actually need.

God sees this messy world. He sees your patience. He sees your standards. Leave some things for Him to fix. You focus on what you can control like your joy, your peace, and your happiness.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

— Proverbs 3:5–6

Take care.