Wrestling

I’ve been so frustrated with my job this year (2025) and why I wasn’t getting any job offers that I just came to the conclusion that God must want me to stay where I’m at and that I needed to be content with it. So I was. Then a few weeks ago I got on our job opening page and applied to a different position at my job. This job seemed perfect. I met all of the qualifications and more. The manager called me a few days later to interview and I did my interview a week before Christmas. I did amazing on the interview. She told me that she would be off the next week for Christmas and that she would have two more people to interview the week of new years and after that she would get back to me.

It all seems so perfect. Too perfect. Where I find myself struggling is not in my faith that I will get this job. Rather, it is if I don’t. While I believe in everything happening in God’s will. I also can’t help but wonder why would God give me the opportunity to experience something so perfectly fit for me and it not be in His plans for me. Even if He does have something better for me, what if I don’t want that? That is my struggle. It’s not that I just want what I want. It’s that I know I could truly flourish in this position with my skills, my experiences, and my education but if it’s not mine then what? I be forced to remain in a position that I’m unhappy with for now but still thankful that it puts food on the table and pays the bills. I can be torn if I don’t get it but I can either choose to sulk over the rejection or keep going.

What also bothers me about this situation is that it mirrors something else going on in my life. Something that I know God is testing me in and it just really sucks.

“My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭4‬ ‭NRSV‬

Though I’m still not completely sold on the “Joy” part in all of this, I’ll settle for it building my endurance for now. I guess.

Happy New Year